Sunday, July 4, 2010

Life Sucks…And Then You Die. Unless You Go To Hell, Then Death Suck Too.

Dear Bloggie,
So my love life is still pathetic. Even worse I’ve had two dreams this week that I was getting married. The first I was getting ready for my wedding – having been surprised that I was getting married in the first place, but just going along with it – when I woke up just as I was trying on the dress. I never saw my groom – duh, I never saw the altar – but I did see Dulian walking around and had a strong feeling he was the man I was going to marry.

The second dream I had last night. This one I actually did get married, but it was very simple and I can’t even remember it. All I know is that I got a feeling that we were married. I also can remember that we had to keep it a secret because of our age. The whole dream was weird because not only did I get married, but I was also a spy saving Dulian. After saving, we both became a super spy team. It’s actually funny if you think about, especially since I also remember that we attended a Renaissance Fair after.

I have now kissed four guys in my dream – one of them being completely made up from my imagination (and hell is my imagination good, because I really wish that guy was real) and another being an actor – and zero in real life. This is sad.

I’m starting to feel like I will never have a boyfriend. Someone must have forgotten to fill me in that this past week was Get-A-Boy-Friend-Week. Neena has gotten a boyfriend. Cat as gotten a boyfriend (I saw his Facebook picture and he is hot – in a he’s dating my friend sorta way of course. I mean, as exemplified by Dulian, the type of guy I normally like has blonde or brownish hair with blue or green eyes, basically pretty white boys. But even I must admit that that he is very good looking. She defiantly traded up from her last boyfriend, who actually turned out to be creepy with stalkish tendencies. Way to go Cat!). I’m happy for them, really. But I wish I would be the next to get one. Not that my mom would really let me date. But we could keep it secrete for a little while. Plus, I’m sure if I actually had a guy asking me out and my mom met him and everything, she would let me date. With restriction, but she would let me date.

So I was feeling blue as I started to write this all down – having basically written this whole post after the tile popped into my head – when I decided to look for some pictures to go with them. I was just looking for one that went with this post – borderline emo – when I found this funny picture.

Next to it were other funny pictures.

(The butt sex one is my favorite. It's the funniest, don't you think? )

Now, as I end my post, I’m not so blue. Thank God for funny pictures. And the internet since with out it I would have never found the funny pictures. :)

P.S. As you may have noticed, I have decided not to sign off as Carrie for a while. Carrie is…I don’t know who Carrie is. She is a part of me who loves to write about creatures of the night and magic and all its beauty. She is headstrong and knows what she wants and won’t change for anyone. I just don’t feel like her right now.

Right now I feel like Libby. Scared. Exposed. Raw. I’m not in my comfort zone. I’m worried about which road I will choose, if I haven’t already chosen one. Libby is a free spirit who doesn’t like to be caged. She doesn’t know what she wants or who she is. Half of her doesn’t want to find out, instead floating around on her clouds of dreams and fantasies. The other half wishes she knew the answers. Wishes she could – just once – know what she wants and who she is.

I know I sound crazy, but sometimes I just feel like I’m not (real name) because instead I’m other people. Who others want me to be. Who I want to be. But in the end I’m not even sure who I want to be. Oh Great, I’m starting to sound like a stereotypical teenager with all this “I don’t know who I am” crap. I really need to self actualize soon or I swear I’m locking myself in the attic until I’m twenty. Hey, on the bright side, maybe if I don’t eat all that time, when I come out I’ll be skinny enough to get a boyfriend. :)

P.P.S Happy Fourth of July!!! I’m stuck going to my little cousin’s sixth birthday party, but I hope you all have a good day in whichever way you choose/forced to spend it. :)

P.P.P.S I really need to stop adding so many damn smiley faces. :)

P.P.P.P.S. I just noticed that last month (June) I posted the most times in a month yet, 11. Obviously June was a screwed up month for me. :(

P.P.P.P.P.S. Ha! No happy face this time. But wait, that’s just because I’m back in the blues. :(

P.P.P.P.P.P.S Oh God, I’m so going to end up in the funny farm. Aren’t I?


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