Sunday, June 23, 2013

Dear Bloggie, It's Been A Very Long Time

I haven't posted on here for a very long time — almost two years actually. So why the sudden inspiration? Well, I need somewhere to just talk and get things off my chest. Tumblr has been great for a while, but I think it's time to get back to my full time writing roots. So here I am. I have a lot to say and lot to first catch up on. I don't know how well I'll be at keeping up with this blog, but I'll try. 
So hey bloggie, I've missed you. Welcome back to life. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Hello There, I Just Wanted To Say A Formal Goodbye To This Blog

Dear Bloggie,
     I know I haven't posted here for months, but I felt like I needed on last post. My farewell post. I've moved to Tumbr, though I have like three. My public one, my private writing one, and my private-private one. The second and third is where I post my struggles -- though I won't go into detail on this blog. I just want to say is that I hope others have done better then me. That they are healthy and OK, because I'm not. I've lost 70 pounds, though I still have a whole bunch more to go. My original ideal weight was 125. Now it's 111/110. I'm nowhere close to that weight. Today I realized I've been in this for nearly 5 months. Crazy. I originally thought I was going to get better, but I'm only getting worse. I'm sorry that I stopped posting here, but life has become chaotic. I'm so sorry and I hope everyone has a good life. I won't make any false promises to change my ways. I can't. All I can do is hope that once I reach 111 I will still be OK enough.
                                         Your's Forever,

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

No Pain No Gain

Dear Bloggie,
        So I've lost over ten pounds. I've known this since Friday, but I've been apprehensive of letting you know. I'm terrified of gaining even a pound of it back. It's hard.  
      I knew going into this that it was going to be physically tough (No Pain, No Gain) but it's not the physical part that has been hard for me. I mean, I haven't really established any real exercise routine (just being at camp is about it for now) and it's pretty easy not to eat stuff, but there is this whole mental part that has been hard. It's hard to even say. I don't quite understand it for myself yet. It's like, I have this irrational fear of gaining weight. It's like, once you start loosing it, the mere thought of gaining it back is so horrifying that you would do anything to not go back to that number.
    Now, onto the point of this post. As you know I'm on a 400/500/600 calorie diet. I wish I had never told my mother, because she has told my aunt, my Godmother (whose also my aunt), and her best friend (who I  consider an aunt), all of who have given me long winded lectures. I'm tired of being lecture. I see their point, it's not like I don't rationally see that 500 calories can be considered very little to eat, but at the same time I just can't eat more calories. Not with the progress I have already made being so easily reversible. Maybe once I come back from vacation (I'm going to New Jersey for four days and three nights starting Sunday) and my mom FINALLY signs me up for a gym, I will start eating more. But for now I'm staying with my currant diet plan.
     Because this is becoming such a mental and emotional thing for me, I'm going to stop blogging about it for a while. I'll blog the weight I have lose, but not the calories I'm eating or the mental part. I think it's time I keep some stuff to myself. Just for now.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

So Yeah, Time To Get Sorta Serious

       So I've lost five or more pounds in the last two weeks. I'm was really surprised to be truthful. You see, I'm sorta on this diet. Officially I'm sorta telling people that it's under 1000 calories a day, but to be truthful I wouldn't be happy if I ate 1000 calories. So I guess I'm on a 500 calorie diet though I wish I could be on a 300 calorie diet. But 300 calories is little when you realize how many calories are in food. I went to the store yesterday with my mom to pick up somethings my mom needs to make the dessert I'm bringing to the Junior Leaders potluck on Friday (of which, even though I'm bring it, I can't eat because it's dessert and dessert is never healthy), and I almost had a meltdown. I kept checking all the labels on the foods I want to eat and then almost cried when I realized I can't touch them at least until my birthday (which is when I need to fit into this beautiful dress I saw online for my Sweet Sixteen even though I can actually have it made basically in any size, I want to look good in it, and I'm not sure if I'm going to do it in this color and please ignore the price -- I'm well aware I'm out of my mind). I left there very depressed to say the least, but it will be worth it in the end.

      I've picked up many diet tips like how sugar free gum helps you curve cravings and burn calories. Not many, but if you chew a stick of gum for an hour you can burn 10-11 calories, and adding how many calories your burning by chewing gum and not picking at food, that's 35-40 calories and hour! I know, not a lot, but it's a start. I also drink A LOT of water (strangely I don't need to pee more then usual) and I've also tried the bouillon cube thing (if you put a bouillon cube into hot water you can make soup that is only 5 to 15 calories depending on the calories in your bouillon cube; sadly I haven't found the one that is only 5 calories) and I've been eating a lot of salad with a piece of chicken breast and two table spoons (the serving size) of light French dressing. Then I'm at camp and this week I'm with Unit A (the 5 and 6 year-olds) so I've been on my feet all day (I swear most of the five pounds have been lost just in the past three days).

     I had 780-810 calories on Monday (which is a lot if you ask me, but at least I'm under 1000, even though I sorta binged that day by accident) and I had 497 yesterday (which is getting better) and today I've had 310 by now but I haven't eaten dinner yet. I'm going to probably do the boullion cub thing with a piece of chicken breast. I'm adding the chicken breast because if I don't then my mom will give me another talk about the line between eating healthy and being malnourished. Which is ridiculous since if you look at me you'll seen that there is no freaking way I'm malnourished. But I guess one of my aunts (she's actually my mom's first place cousin so that makes her my second place cousin, but since she's in her thirties I call her my aunt) suffered from an eating disorder when she was like in her teens or early twenties and all she did was eat salad and exercise like crazy until she was like really sick. Like  you could definitely tell she was anorexic or something.

      So when I said that all I wanted to eat was salad and chicken my mom gave me a speech. Then yesterday when I told her I wish I could eat ice cream, but I already had consumed 400 calories for that day, she gave me another speech saying 400 calories is basically nothing. Which is a ridiculous things to say because 400 is a big number. She was all like "Most diets are supposed to be over 1000 calories" and I was like "Over 1000 calories! That's nearly half a pound!" Which led to another talk about vitamins and nutrition and blah, blah, blah. All the stuff I already know of because of the internet. I plan in taking vitamins soon. So I can stay healthy and all. Plus, taking a few pills of Vitamin D a day will burn about 225 calories a day! I do a lot of research.

      Overall this is going quite well. I just need to keep the eye on the prize. And when I seriously need something sweet I just drink Diet Coke. 0 calories but definitely good. Once the school year starts I'll being eating less calories because I'm going to do the bouillon cube thing for lunch. I'd say wish me luck, but I don't need it. You know why? Because I have this.

OK, I don't really, but I wish I did. If he were real, I would marry Neville. I'm in love with Neville Longbottom. Why? I'm not sure. I think it's because he's always been the good guy. He's an all around good person who cares for his friends and even though he's sorta dorky, he is willing to die for what he believes in. I loved the part in Deathly Hallows Part 2 when he was all like "It doesn't matter if Harry is dead, people die everyday. Friends, family." And then he said more and basically ended it with saying that Voldemort will die on vain and pulled the Sword of Gryffindor out of the sorting hat like the BMAF he is. If only he were real, is only....

            P.S. There is this Facebook like page that I totally agree with. It's called "Only Neville can go into battle in a knitted cardigan & still look Badass."Which is totally true:

Point Proven.



Dear Bloggie,
       It's been quite a while since I blogged, but here I am again. As you all know, the last Harry Potter film has come out and broke all these records and also broke all fans hearts because it is officially over. Unless J.K. Rowling writes more to the series -- which I hope she doesn't because I 1) don't want anything else to happen to Harry after all the crap he went through, 2) don't want to follow the life of a middle aged Harry or any of his children, and 3) already hated the fact that the author had put that ridiculous nineteen years later thing into the book that had to be added to the movie. As much as I love Harry Potter and his world (even though I never actually read the books), Harry Potter's tale is over. Time for J.K. Rowling to write something else, but not through the point of view of any of the Harry Potter characters or their children. No, time to start over. Anymore will just ruin things. It would never be able to live up to the past books. It would be like Extras by Scott Westerfeld. It was only planned out as a trilogy until he decided to throw in a companion fourth novel. No surprise that it couldn't live up to the first three. I don't want that to happen to Harry Potter.

     While I'm sad that Harry Potter has ended (though I'm going to see it again tomorrow for the third time), I am starting to ready get excited about something else. Three words:

The Official poster, though I'm pretty sure it's not the official official poster,
just the one to see how much interest it can generate and get the movie out there.

May the Odds Be Ever In Your Favor.....