Wednesday, August 3, 2011

No Pain No Gain

Dear Bloggie,
        So I've lost over ten pounds. I've known this since Friday, but I've been apprehensive of letting you know. I'm terrified of gaining even a pound of it back. It's hard.  
      I knew going into this that it was going to be physically tough (No Pain, No Gain) but it's not the physical part that has been hard for me. I mean, I haven't really established any real exercise routine (just being at camp is about it for now) and it's pretty easy not to eat stuff, but there is this whole mental part that has been hard. It's hard to even say. I don't quite understand it for myself yet. It's like, I have this irrational fear of gaining weight. It's like, once you start loosing it, the mere thought of gaining it back is so horrifying that you would do anything to not go back to that number.
    Now, onto the point of this post. As you know I'm on a 400/500/600 calorie diet. I wish I had never told my mother, because she has told my aunt, my Godmother (whose also my aunt), and her best friend (who I  consider an aunt), all of who have given me long winded lectures. I'm tired of being lecture. I see their point, it's not like I don't rationally see that 500 calories can be considered very little to eat, but at the same time I just can't eat more calories. Not with the progress I have already made being so easily reversible. Maybe once I come back from vacation (I'm going to New Jersey for four days and three nights starting Sunday) and my mom FINALLY signs me up for a gym, I will start eating more. But for now I'm staying with my currant diet plan.
     Because this is becoming such a mental and emotional thing for me, I'm going to stop blogging about it for a while. I'll blog the weight I have lose, but not the calories I'm eating or the mental part. I think it's time I keep some stuff to myself. Just for now.


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