Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I wonder how my life will go on from here? I wonder if lunch is going to awkward for any longer? I wonder if high school will be ant better? I wish life had an easy button like Staples has in those commercials. That all you had to do is push the big red button and magically your life will fix itself. But in life there are no easy answers, though if there was I would be the first to find it since I'm always looking for it.
I didn't have much to say but I'm trying to procrastinate since I still have to do my health packet and health project, so I decided to blog. I don't know where my life will take me tomorrow. Tomorrow for all I know Serena and I may be besties again. I don't know where I'm going or who will or will not join me for that journey, but I can say one thing for sure. I will write. When the world is down I will write. When everything falls in place and I experience those few moments of bliss, I will write. Because writing is all about memories. Good or bad.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
I probably shouldn't be writing this after the currant events in my life, but I need to talk it out. You see I consider you a diary, something that no one ever seems to read and if anyone did read this, I thought they wouldn't know me so I wouldn't care. But now I see I'm wrong. What should I do when I'm scared. I don't know how to apologize with out getting defensive, it's in my nature. I've always been defensive. But now I can't be because my wallowing (though almost two months ago) has cost me problems.
You know my old post "Friends", well that friend read it. Not the new girl (I wish it was her and not the other), the one I was upset at. That was never suppose to happen! I consider you a diary where I write thoughts that only people who don't know me or will ever know me can read, because they can't effect me and don't care about me. I guess your my version of "Yahoo Answers" without any answers. But now someone read it who does know me, someone I do care about. What should I do? What should I say? No matter what that person thinks, I do care about them and consider them a best friend as I always did. To be truthful even though my two friends from second grade and under weren't that nice, I will always consider them my best friends of a sort. Not my currant best friends, or my ex best friends, but my kindergarten through second grade best friends.
But now everything is messed up and I don't know what to do. I got advice from one of my other friends (not any of the two mentioned here) and I think I will follow it. I just hope she will listen (the one who is mad at me, not the new girl or the one who gave me advice) because I really screwed up. I though creating a blog would help me with my problems, well it just made it worst. Now that is a fact.
Hi my many readers. NOT! No one has read this, but then I'm not exactly a very exciting person. Whatever. "So how's life" you ask? Well for starters my life sucks. Actually that's for starters, middlers (I know that's not a real word, but I think it should be, just like the unword computering that my friend Neena uses) and endings. I'm totally in love with this guy in my class, but he doesn't feel the same way. I know, when I say this you imagine a guy who looks like this...
(I actually used to have a crush that reminds me of this random guy, his name was Brennan, and yes, he was hot!)
But sadly no. The guy looks more like this....
Except he has short brown hair and glasses. They say love is blind, though I don't believe it. It's not that I don't see his faults - he's chucky (which so am I, so I can't say much there), is slightly annoying, pervy humored, and likes to talk about drugs even though if he had every drug in the world layed out in front of him and Obama's and full support for him getting high, he probably wouldn't have a clue on what to do and how to start. I see all those things and know those should be warning signs and turn offs as they are for every other girl I know, but for me they just make up a guy I'm in love with. I love the way his cheeks and ears turn red whenever he's outside on a cold day or when he gets embarrassed, or even just when he's talking so much that his adrenaline is running high. I love the way he smiles, sorta more to one side, and yes he has braces. Just reading what I have described him as makes me what to hit myself over the head and hope that I wake up from this love spell I seem to be under, but still I can't.
In the end of the day it doesn't matter what he looks like, but that he can make me laugh like no other. Whenever he's around I just can't help but laugh because he is funny. And isn't that what we all want? In sixty years when I'm seventy-three going on seventy-four, that hot-jock-like guys aren't going to be hot anymore. But in sixty years if I marry a guy who makes me laugh, I'm going to still be laughing as we watch our grandchildren play while rocking in our chairs. That's what we all truly want, the person that will still be there making us feel happy and alive to the very end. That's why I'm in love with him. But if only he saw me more than a friend, then we could get somewhere.