Friday, February 25, 2011


Dear Bloggie,
      I have a Formspring, but I don't often check it. I don't really post things about it or anything like that, though it is listed on my Facebook under my websites. Yesterday, I got an email from Formspring saying I had five new questions. Because I don't really share my Formspring, normally my five questions are ones Formspring come up for me.

    The first one was "What language would you like to learn how to speak?" Typical Formspring question. I was about to ignore the rest, but something told me not. That's when I read the next one. "do you think you're a good writer? or do you think ur a bad one? we all know the correct answer do you? we r just trying not to hurt ur feelings bitch!" Obviously, Formspring didn't send me this one.

   I've been harassed by this mysterious person before. I know because I like to think of him or her as 'The person who can't fucking spell". Which just pisses me off to begin with. I'm not a fan of text talk. They get worse. "why are you so ugly?" "why are you so fat?" Then there were two questions that don't fit in with the rest. "who do you like?" and "Who is your bff?"

     I would love to think it's some stupid bitch at my high school, but as I said, I haven't told anyone about it and I've had problems with this Forspringer before. Before I started high school. Before I even graduated 8th grade. That leaves only one alternative: it's someone who's being two-faced with me. I know a boy wouldn't go off like this (boys are different) and any guy I went to middle school with wouldn't really waste his time like this. That leaves the girls. Which hurts a lot more then the words, because I had this feeling of trust with them last year. Well, except with Serena because of our fights, but I know it's not her. On her Formspring there are similar messages there. Text spelling and rude. Whoever wrote on mine, did the same to hers.

    I bet whoever the person behind this is the person who stole my cell phone last year. For those who weren't reading this blog yet, here's a link to my post about it. I had really felt hurt over that. I didn't only feel betrayed, but I also felt such an invasion of privacy. The person had taken it out of my backpack. Went through my phone. Went on my Facebook and sent texts with my name connected to them. It had really bothered me, especially since I never found out who the person was. Especially since I know the person had to be in my grade. Especially since I know the person was somebody I talk to and was around in a regular bases. All that time, they really didn't like me and was totally being two-faced.

    You can see why I link one person (the Formspring person) to another (the phone stealing person). I just wish this person would grow up and get a life. Yeah, their words may bother me, I'm not going to pretend they don't. But I also can only imagine how boring, pathetic, and unsatisfying their life must be for them to do this. One day, I'm going to be somebody, and their still going to be a cyber bully, hiding behind a screen because they're too scared to say it to my face.

   I'm not that biggest Taylor Swift fan (mainly for feminist reasons and because I don't really think she can sing that well, at least not acoustic or live), but her lyrics are very relatable (she is really good at song writing, I'll give her that -- and she has a wonderful sense of fashion). When I was having a hard time last year, I listened a lot to her song "The Best Day" a lot because I could relate my problems to it. My mom was there for me a lot last year so the following lines meant a lot to me:
I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop 'til I've forgotten all their names
I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today

    This time around, it's her song "Mean" that I find myself relating to.

    So thank you Taylor Swift, for writing music that we can all relate to. I don't know what I would do without your music.


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Don't Shoot! I Come Bearing Gifts

Dear Bloggie,
     It's been a while since I last blogged. Life has been hectic. I've been trying to write (that's going OK) but I'm only on chapter five. The first chapter is here on inkpop. That's all I'm putting up until I've finished the book. I've made more friends at school. They're the type I don't go into detail about to my mom. There used to be a time where I thought if you did drugs, drank alcohol under-age, and had sex outside a real relationship, you were a bad person. Over the years that idea has changed, but was until I started high school that I actully met people who do all three. Most importantly, I have friends who do all three. *gasp* I know, what shame and shock! But seriously, all joking aside, they aren't bad people.

     Let's use this girl I know named Holly (not real name) as an example. She does weed, has taken ecstasy, and probably has tried other things. She's not an addict to anything, but she sure as hell has dabbled in a lot. I was talking to her and this guy named Hayden (real name) I know. They had gone to the mall one day with her friend Jennifer (I can't remember the girl's real name) and Jennifer had given Hayden a, well, you know, under the table with her hand. He said she wasn't good at it and Holly said she was going to have to teach Jennifer better. Even though  love how I have met people who are so free and unafraid of saying things like this without thinking, I wasn't quite sure what to say. But what I find really interesting is that I don't think less of Holly for having an sexual history at only the age of fifteen. Because I know her and know what she's like, I don't consider her a slut, even though I have considered other girls that for a lot less. I just thought it was interesting how we, as people, can have double standards and not always realize it.

    Now, onto non-sexually related topics. I had no school today because of Presidents Day (though I do have school for the rest of the week because of the over kill of snow days that caused the school to take away our February vacation) so I watched TV all day. MTV had on five hours of My Super Sweet Sixteen: Blingest Bash 2 Countdown, parts 1 though 5. I, being a My Super Sweet Sixteen fanatic, watched all of it. Well, almost all. During the last hour I became distracted.

    Next month, March 13th, is my fifteenth birthday. As much as I enjoy being fourteen (I've decided it's one of my top five favorite ages -- the list doesn't only include ages I have been, but also ones I'm looking forward to) I must age to fifteen. Plus, ageing to fifteen means I'm only a year away from being my favorite age and the age I've been looking forward to being for years: sixteen.

    I've known for years that I was going to have a masquerade for my sweet sixteen, but, while I watched the marathon today, I realized that I also wanted to rock out. I came up with this phrase that embodies what I want: I want to party like a Victorian rockstar. Of course, "Victorian" and "rockstar" don't really go together. So, I decided to Google it and see how these two things could be merged. I know, let me Google that for you. As you can see, it brought me to a very awesome thing that, while I love, never crossed me mind for some stupid reason: Steampunk!

    After spending an thirty minutes trying to explain steampunk to my mom (which is why I won't explain it here; instead, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, just check this and this and this out) she agreed that she liked that idea, though she is a bit apprehensive. I think she's mostly apprehensive because what she took away from my explanation is that it's "Poor and dirty Victorian England. Like when Jack the Ripper was around". I'm not sure that I like her comparing my party theme to Jack the Ripper. I'm also not sure how I'm going to pull it off, but I'm sure I'll get by with a little help from my friends.

    Officially, my party theme is a steampunk masquerade, or "A Clockwork Ball". No, I didn't come up with the name. When I was doing research to try to explain to my mom what steampunk is, I came across this party people throw down in North Carolina by the same name. I've decided to throw my own for my birthday. I wanted to host my party at this place called The Pound House, but I'm not sure how I'm going to decorate it to go with my theme. It's this restaurant in the middle of Elizabeth Park in Hartford. But not grungy Hartford, I mean rich Hartford. Around that area there are streets of mansions, all equip with tall, spiky fences and long drive ways. When I drive by, I like to imagine what it would be like to live there and have grown up there. I never can, but I always try.

     Now, onto the gifts part. First, is my FSotN (Favorite Song of the Now).

    I just love this song! I've loved Panic! At the Disco since they came out, but their second CD just didn't do it for me. The first was fun and full of music that made me want to dance. Like "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" and "Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" and "The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage" and "London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines" and "Time To Dance" and "But It's Better If You Do" and "There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet" and "Build God, Then We'll Talk" and "Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks" and "I Constantly Thank God For Esteban" and  of course "Camisado". OK, I just named the whole CD. Yeah, I loved it a lot. But then they came out with a second CD and it was totally different and I just didn't really like it. It was older, more inspiration form classic rock like the Beatles then modern rock. While I love the Beatles (as you can tell from my little sorta-but-still-not-so-hidden reference to them in one of the earlier paragraphs) it just wasn't what I wanted or expected.

     But after hearing the single for "The Ballad of Mona Lisa" (video above) I am just so excited. The video also is helping me with inspiration for my party, seeing as it is done in steampunk fashion. You see, more Victorian rockstar colliding things. Yay!

    Two more gifts. The first is a picture of my new hair color. 

                        Before                                                                     After
Year book photo with my red/brown hair.
I had paid extra for them to take out my
zits in the year book photo...
 ...I wish I could do the same with my camera. You don't get the full
effect of the black color in this picture, but it's pretty dark. 

My bathroom lighting is just sucky so you can't really tell. 

I found both these pictures on Cat's blog, but I loved them so much that I had to reblog them. 

I have this picture saved on my computer as
"Johnny Depp And His Multiple Personality Disorder".

So true, so sad. I Feel bad for these new generations.

     Hope this makes up for my long absence. I'll try to be better from now on. Hopefully. Who knows.


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Not Cool UK, Not Cool.

Dear Bloggie,
    I have this dream of moving to England when I’m older. Of course, this dream must have bumps in the road or else it would be too easy. Today I started looking into colleges in London. At first, I was having a hard enough time just finding a school in London that offers Creative Writing as a major (they don’t call it a major, they just call it a course of study) full-time (three years, for some reason they don’t have a fourth). After getting very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very aggravated and even venting to Neena, I was able to find school. Right now my list contains:

4.      Roehampton University

    After finding these schools, I decided to look more into how I actually get a visa to, you know, live there. God, I wish I didn’t. Talk about mood deflator. It’s so freaking hard to move to England. Going to school there isn’t that hard. It will require a visa for education and I’ll have to renew it a few times and all that, but if I choose to move there for another reason? HA! Unless I can prove I have family there (family born there), have a job waiting for me, or a fiancĂ©, I basically screwed. So sad.
    Of course, now I know I have to go there for school. If not for my Bachelor’s degree, then most definitely for my Master’s. If I don’t, I may never be able to. Hearing this of course makes me sad, but at least I know before it’s too late.
    I’m pissed off at the UK at the moment, but whatever. I’ll deal. I guess. I’ll distract myself with Math homework. I mean, I NEED to get into a college in London now. This way, after I’m done with school, I will be able to get a job and apply for a work visa. With this, after a certain amount of time living there (I think five years, but I’m not sure) I can apply to become a legal citizen of the UK. Thank God I’m a writer; with all the paper work I’m going to have to sign, my writing skills are going to be put to use majorly.
                ~ XOXO,