What Do a Fat Girl & a Moped Have In Common?

Dear Bloggie,
So recently I have chosen to write on a schedule. Well post on you, not write my story. I’ve tried working on my story (well stories since I’m also working on Confession of an Optimistic Pessimist, not only Incandescent), but every time I go to write I end up nit picking so much that by the time I’ve written two sentences it’s been over an hour. Yeah, that's no good. But I’ve come up with a schedule to post on my blog. I’m going to try to post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I’m pretty sure I can keep up with it, except for maybe on Fridays. If I don’t post on Fridays I’ll defiantly write on Saturday.

So why don’t we discuss the title of this post: What Do a Fat Girl & a Moped Have In Common? I’m almost done with reading a book called The Earth, My Butt, & Other Big Round Things by Carolyn Mackler. It’s actually a pretty good book; I plan on writing a review for it when I’m done. Ohh, that reminds me. I just finished reading the second book in the Immortal Instruments series, City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare. I’ll write a review for that also, maybe this weekend since I already have planned what I’m posting on Friday. But that’s a subject I’ll approach later in this post. Now back to the title.

The girl in the book (Virginia Shreves) is overweight (not as overweight as I am, but only the people on the Biggest Loser are as overweight as I am) and lives by the “Fat Girl Code of Conduct”, rules she made up after hearing a joke on the radio that goes like this:

Question: What do a fat girl and a moped have in common?
Answer: They’re both fun to ride, as long as your friends don’t see you.

I know, ha-ha funny. I’ve heard this joke before on TV or something, and I guess I never really thought much about it. Maybe I even consider it kinda funny. But while reading this book it really got me thinking, it’s kinda true. Not many guys go for fat girls, but it’s more because of their looks than the girl’s personality. That also got me thinking about the “Fat Girl Code of Conduct”. Here, I’ll post it:

1. Any sexual activity is a secret. No public displays of affection. No air-kisses blown across the cafeteria. No carefully folded notes passed in the hall. No riding the moped in public.
2. Don’t discuss your weight with him. Let’s face it. You both know it’s there, so don’t start bemoaning your body and pressure him into lying, i.e., “What are you talking about? You don’t look fat at all.”
3. Go farther than skinny girls. Find ways to alert him to this, such as sluty comments prepped into the conversation. If you can’t sell him the body, you better overcompensate with sexual perks.
4. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, push the relationship thing. Everybody knows that guys hate discussing relationships, so make it easy on him. Same goes for dates to movies and dances. Bottom line: Let him get the milk without buying the cow.

So that is the “Fat Girl Code of Conduct”. I know it sounds sluty and easy, but I really made me stop and think, I am the cow. What guy really wants this *makes motions to her body*! Yeah not many unless he gets the perks and doesn’t have to tell anyone. I won’t follow all of them, but I will most likely follow the majority. I won’t do the public displays of affection (unless he wants to) and I defiantly won’t discuss my weight. Hell, I can’t even discuss my weight with my own friends. If I did it would go like this.

Friend: I’m so fat!
Me: No you aren’t your sooooooo skinny. Are you kidding me? I’m fat, your not.
Friend: …

I’ve actually had many conversations with friends that were like this, awkward silence. It’s not like they can say I’m not fat, when hello, I am. I can only imagine how awkward it would be to have this conversation with a guy who I want to/ have made out with!

I don’t think I could follow number three though; I don’t have the nerve to be that perverted with guys I like more than a friend. I can joke around with guy friends, but not guys I like. I feel too weird about it. Number four maybe, but I’m not sure. I like giving people the “I don’t give a shit” attitude, but I really do. I’m sentimental and a hopeless romantic. I love watching romance movies and have seen the Notebook more times than I can count. I don’t believe I could truly pretend that I don’t even know him during the day and then make out with him at night. I’ll probably hurt more than it’s worth.

This post was supposed to be short but then I got carried away, so why don’t I finish up by telling you what I’ve been planning for the past week or so. This blog is getting a makeover. This Friday, before my graduation you’re going to see some changes. Yes, my life is still at a crossroad, but it’s time I choose a path. If you live your whole life at a crossroad, there is no point to living.
~XOXO,
Carrie