Sunday, June 13, 2010

Because I Knew You…

Dear Bloggie,
Sorry I didn’t post on Friday, but by the time got home from graduation I was tired. I wasn’t going to post today, but them I remember something from graduation. My teacher had given a speech and in it she quoted a line from the Broadway play Wicked. I had really liked the line so I decided to look it up today. I knew it was about the people we know and have known, so I looked up the song list and went from there.

For some reason I was almost instantly drawn to a song called “For Good”, which after evaluation of the lyrics, I’m about 99% sure this song is the one she quoted. It’s been two days since graduation and I have yet to cry, but after listening to the song – having gone straight to iTunes and buying it after I was sure it was the song with the quoted lyrics – I could feel those emotions rising. Still no tears, but I feel like I am going to cry. You know that feeling you get inside when you sad or something and it feels like your about to cry but your eyes refuse to listen so they stay relatively dry, all the while that horrible, sad feeling rages in your chest making you want to really cry – not little sobs but loud, body trembling, almost yelling ones? Well that’s how I feel right now. I can feel that scream/sob in my throat my I can’t make it come out.

I will miss all my classmates. I’ve had mixed relationships with all of them, but at the end of the day I hate the fact that I won’t see them all again. Serena was sitting next to me at graduation and started crying. I was surprised; she and Neena kept saying they couldn’t wait to leave.

I had expected this from Neena since I have a sneaking suspicion she hates the majority of the class. She never felt like she was part of us since she was only here a year. I would never say this to her, but she’s the one who didn’t try to get to know people that well. We accepted her, she’s the one who acted like she didn’t want to be accepted and that everyone hated her from day one. I remember her talking to me on Facebook back around October, November, or December on how she thought people didn’t like her. I knew it wasn’t true, I even said so, but she wouldn’t listen.

But Serena, I had been surprised. She had been attending Saint Brigid School since Kindergarten or First Grade! Well, when she started crying I got to see the truth, she didn’t really want to leave. In that moment of my friends crying around me as our teacher, Ms. Bernaiche, gave her speech I realized something, SBS (Saint Brigid School) is home. We all hated having to get up and go learn every morning, but at least we could count on how our day would go. It was familiar. It is familiar. That’s when I came up with this simple ideal:

Home is a place you want to leave until you have to.

We all wanted to be anywhere else until it came down to the time we really did have to leave our beloved home/school. Now we are all going in different directions, even the ones who are going to the same high school. Life is a road. We should all be thankful for the people who join us on that road, even if it is only for a short time.

P.S The graduation photo is really my class. I'm in the back behind Cat and my friend Angela (she's sorta my inspiration for Angela Pearson, now named Angela Ellis after I decided I didn't like the last name Pearson enough for my character), you can't really see my face, but you can see my arm. Serena is next to me and Neena is next to her. I was thinking about telling you their real names, but I've decided not to. :)
P.P.S Cat moved her blog to Tumbler. I thought about doing the same, but I like it better here on blog spot. :)
P.P.P.S I now have two followers (one is actually clicked to follow, the other is Cat who just reads it) so I'm sorta happy. I had clicked to see who the person who follows me is and I saw she follow some of the same people I do, leading me to believe she found my blog on Inkpop. Well I checked out the blogs she follows and I don't, and found this cool blog. Well not so cool, as interesting. It's a bit depressing, but I like reading it. Anyone who reads my blog should check it out. The girl seems nice but she's really deep down in it and seems to have alot of problems with her mom. Either way you should check it out.
P.P.P.P.S Here is the quote from the song that my teacher quoted.
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I
believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...


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