Saturday, June 19, 2010

Trying Something New…

so i’m trying this new way of writing
kinda jumbled and without any uppercase letters or real punctuation
except for the word “I”
'cause I type this out first on Microsoft Word
and don’t feel like going back to change it
and except for, like, commas
I like commas
they stand as brakes in my thoughts
except in real life
my thoughts are whole
well not really
but still…

if anyone could read my mind I would be in big trouble
my head is weird
but so am I, so I guess we fit together well
but lets get back to the point

this style of writing kinda awesome
like a poem
I guess

i got the idea while reading this girls blog
you know,
the depressed girls blog i told you guys about
she said that she just lets the words flow
and doesn’t bother with the rest
I like that thought

I think her name is Bethany
but she’s tying to stay autonomous
so she erased most of the evidence of her name
which is really sad
'cause now she signs off as “just a girl”
like she means nothing
like she has no name or personality

I wish I could help her
I don’t know why, I don’ even know her
but she seems nice
and sad
so I want to help her

I know I’ll never be depressed
well maybe a little
but not in the cutting or suicide way
if I ever am depressed it will probably be fake
sometimes I wonder who I am
I remember something I once admitted to Serena
that I craved the spotlight
to be center of attention
to have people talk about me
no matter good or bad
that I talk louder on certain subjects
so people can hear me
even if those subjects can be bad for me

i’ve gotten better
I don’t talk overly loud
but I still
I like attention
I’m a attention whore
I’ve come to realize this
don’t really have much else to say

I like this style of writing
but it isn’t me
I like writing properly much better
still, this was fun
sometime new isn't always better
promise to return to normal for my next post

that reminds me
I want you opinion on my story
I’m posting the first and second chapters
I don’t have 10,000 words yet
so I can’t post it on inkpop
but if anyone reads this blog
please comment on the chapters
I really need opinions

P.S. I’ve decided to add a picture of half my class. Obviously you can find me easily; I’m the overly fat girl. But…whatever…I guess. You can find me and spot Cat, but see if you can guess which one is Serena. This is the dance we had made up before on the ride to, so we had already reinstated our friendship in this picture. Neena didn’t attend the dance so she isn’t in it. But Neena was in the graduation picture so I guess there is one of her.

P.P.S I’ve decided to also add two pictures taken at my friend Stephanie’s birthday party back in March. We weren’t really drunk in either of them (though I do look high in the one that I’m staring into the cup); it was just for the pose. They came out good in my opinion. The pictures were taken after Serena had left so she isn’t in them. Neena didn’t go. Her mom doesn’t let her go to too many things. In the “drunk” pictures (from left to right) is: Stephanie, Cianna, Angela, Marousa, Me. I kinda wish I could go back in time to that day and relive that time on. The school year still had three and a half months to go and life was looking up because Serena and I had basically just ended our second fight, believing that a third would never happen. The only thing that still hung in the balance was high school. I hadn’t known that I had been accepted into the Art Academy yet, but besides that life was great.


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