Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Chanting Myself For Motivation

Dear Bloggie,

    I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to lose weight.

    I'm telling myself now, not just hoping. I'm tired of being fat. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and totally be comfortable with my body. I'm not saying I hate myself right now, no, I don't have that bad of a confidence, but I feel like my weight holds me back.

   Any ounce of shyness I have, resonates from my weight problem. I'm always scared that people are going to judge me for that and not for who I am. I mean, I'm crazy and can be a bitch (does that make me a crazy bitch? Have to sleep on that startling conclusion...) but I'm also crazy loyal too. Which is actually bit of a bad thing, as seem by anyone who has read about my friendships problems on this blog.

   The point being, if I were skinnier I would be more comfortable. If someone doesn't like me -- in a friendship and/or a romantic way -- I want it to be because, well, they don't like me. Not that they are all "She's that fat girl." No, I'm tired of that. 

   OK, to begin with weight lose is a lot easier said than done. According to internet/Doctor-y things, my weight should be between 127 to 141 is I'm average to medium framed, or 137 to 155 if I'm just big boned. I'm not sure which one I am seeing as the only time in my life that I was skinny to average was when I was a baby. By the time I hit two, I was already packing on the pounds. Still, when your two it's cute to be chunky. You have a Pooh belly, as my mother used to call it. When your 14, it's NOT cute AT ALL. 

    Taking this all into consideration, I've decided that my ideal weight is 130. That's how much I want to weigh. Considering what my weight is, I have a long way to go. I'm not going to say how much I exactly weigh, but to be happy enough with myself by my 16th birthday, I have to lose 100 pounds. Yes, you read that correctly. 

   The summer before seventh grade I was at camp with Serena and we were part of many programs. One of them was called Healthy Choices. That summer, I lost about 10 to 15 founds in six weeks. And that was with only exercising three or four days a week. If I work out from Monday to Thursday, when again on Saturday, I think I can meet my goal. 

   Of course I have to eat healthy too. I mean, I can work out for ten hours at the gym (I like treadmills, those bike things, and stair steppers, plus my mom's best friend and her daughter -- I've mentioned them before, my Aunt Cathy and Sam -- are thinking of joining a Zumba class, and they have invited me along), but if I eat stuff that is totally unhealthy for me, I might as well do nothing. I love salads, really I do. So that's a start. I also love cherries and green grapes. Now, if I could only eat  more of those foods and none of the foods that are fattening, then I can get somewhere. 

   Wish me luck. Tomorrow I officially start my diet. Let's hope it works. 



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