Poser

Hola peeps,
Yeah “hola” basically covers all my knowledge of Spanish even though I’ve been taking it for three years. Sad. So my last post was kinda depressing about my non-relationship with my father, so I decided to blog about something good…
I got into The Greater Hartford Academy for the Arts! Yay me! I’m still sooo excited! It has an awesome writing program which is bound to help my future, now I just have to pass 8th grade….
So I was talking to Yoda today and I finally got to check out her blog. Her real name is Cat (yeah whatever, she won’t mind if I write her name) but I will probably still refer to her as Yoda since she is so wise. Whenever I have a problem I go to her for advice. She’s just that type of person. I wish she was going to the Art Academy with me; she would so be perfect there. I feel like such a poser. I’m trying to become friends with the artsy kids, but I’ve never classified myself as “artsy” in my whole life.

I mean I’m not super smart (i.e. I’m failing math, science, if not I’m at least on the verge of failing Spanish) , I’ve never been the popular girl, or the rich girl, or the pretty girl, or even the preppy girl (though I kinda want to be). I love rock but I can’t sing or play an instrument (I tried playing the flute but utterly failed even though I took four years of it, but more for my grandfathers sake than mine…anyway the flute isn’t a rocker instrument) so I’m not the rocker.

Now I’m chasing a dream of being the artsy girl. Hanging out at coffee shops and discussing literature while snapping my fingers to poem as I call people “cool cats” isn’t what I had in mind, but more along the lines that I would go to my friends dance recitals, plays, and concerts, and then they would come see me recite poetry or read my latest novel. I want to date a guy who will write a song about me and paint a portrait of me that looks ten times better than I do because that’s the way he sees me.

Yoda is the artsy type. She can play the guitar and want to start a band; she is a great artist, and her writing skills crush mine to smithereens. She’s something between rocker/punk/artsy/and smart. She should be going to an art school instead of some preppy one-step-away-from-boarding school. I feel like a poser. I don’t really fit in anywhere. I like being unique, but what are you when you’re the unique from the unique? When you don’t have a place?
~ Ciao,
Carrie