Dear Bloggie, It's Been A While......

Dear Bloggie,

     I know by now you probably thought that I had stopped blogging. In truth, I've been dying to get back to it. May was the best month of my life (OK, maybe life, but definitely this year) and June is going good and dandy as well. In May I was tech crew for my school's production of Anything Goes (which was amazing, the set itself was phenomenal). I was thinking about going to the cast party, but then it sorta got canceled. You see, the girl who was hosting had the type of parents that don't care if you drink, do drugs, or have sex. Personally, if I held a cast party it would be filled with ginger ale, pizza, and chips because there is no way in hell my mother would let me have anything of the other things above at a party. But this girl's parents would (may I include that the girl is only a sophomore). I wanted to go for the high school party experience, not for sex or drugs. Though, is I'm being honest, I probably would have drunk some, but not a lot because I don't really know the cast and I don't want to be known as That-Sloppy-Drunk-Freshman. 

    But sadly one of the cast members parents found out about what would be at the party and threatened to call the police so it was cancelled at the last minute. It was sorta re-scheduled at this junior named Jordan's house, but he lives all the way in Avon so many people didn't want to go. Plus, sex, drugs and alcohol was not going to be tolerated by his parents at his party so I'm guessing that's why many people didn't want to go. 

     Still, I got to drink that night anyway. We (the cast and crew) had gone out to eat at this restaurant down the street from my school after the last show. One of the girls at my table had ordered a virgin strawberry daiquiri. Somehow, her order must have gotten mixed up at the bar because when she took a sip, it was not virgin. She passed it to the other people at our table (two freshman girls I'm friends with and this sophomore I had made friends with during the show) and we all took a sip and let me tell you, the it was strong. She drank like half of it by herself, but after a while she stared to feel really buzzed so me and this guy named Gordon (both of us who had ordered our own strawberry daiquiris in hope that they would also be alcoholic, but we had no such luck) split the rest of hers into out own cups. He went first and put a lot so mine lost the taste of alcohol after a few or more sips. Still, I was happy. My first high school drinking situation. It made me realize I am growing up and I'm starting to experience new things. Some I'm going to turn down (drugs like crack, heroine, acid, all things I WILL NEVER TRY), but there are things that I will do. Like drinking and I'll probably try weed by the time I graduate. I do go to hippie school after all. Either way, I'll try to make good choices, ones that I won't look bad an think "Wow, I was an idiot. Why did I ever do that!?"

    There are plenty of more things that happened in May and I haven't even gotten to early June, but I'll save that for another day. 

Oh Hey, Nice To Meet You 2010..Wait, Where Are You Going? Come Back! COME BACK!!!!

Dear Bloggie,
    Where has the time gone? Can you believe that 2011 is just hours away? I mean, it seems like just yesterday that we were saying goodbye to 2009 and welcoming in 2010! And now it's almost GONE!

    I started blogging about a year ago. Be it, it was towards the end of January, but January none the less. It's amazing how much can change within a a year. What I'm grateful that hasn't changed is that I still have my friends. I was scared to leave eighth grade, but in the end I had to. Years ago, I watched a movie named Big Fish. I love this movie, definitely in my top ten. The title is quite interesting, isn't it? Big fish? What the heck does that mean? Is there fishing? I know you asking your self these question. (OK, probably not; but pretend for my sake please? Thank you.)

     To be a big fish in a small pound means that your expectations and desires in life are higher or larger than where you're currently at. You're meant for more. The man in the movie, was born into a small town, but he was always more then that town. He was successful and he dreamed big. He was the big fish. It been shown in studies, that if you keep a goldfish in a small tank, it will never grow very large. It will stay a small fish. But, if you transplant that goldfish into a large tank, it will grow to be a big fish so it fits it's new surrounding. It will have the room to be more.

     Middle school was that small pound. It was great and I loved it, but I couldn't stay there forever. To stay in middle school forever would be to limit myself to that small tank. I had to be transplanted, like a goldfish. That doesn't mean I'm a big fish right now. I like to think of high school as a medium sized tank. Seeing as I'm still a small fish, the medium sized tank is good for now. It'll give me the room and space that I need to become a medium sized fish. But one day, I will also have to leave this tank. I will make my final journey into the ocean.

     It's vast and seems to be limitless. I can may get lost in it, others sure have. I might find myself running back to my medium sized tank, or even my small fish bowl from time to time. But in doing so I will only discover the undeniable truth; I have grown too big for the fish bowl and medium tank. What seemed big for a small fish, will prove to be tight and constricting for a big fish.

     I believe very much that I will be a big fish. Somewhere out there there lies the key to my ocean, my future. I'll find it one day, but first I need to grow. A small fish in a big pound may very well find that it wasn't ready for it all yet. So I'll wait until my time comes to leave my tank and swim into the sea. I'll say goodbye to middle school and 2010, and all the memories, good or bad. I'll always have them, but I'll have to let go and let them be my past. You can remanis over the past, but you can't live in it.

   So goodbye 2010. I'll miss you. You've meant a lot to me, to all my friends, but I'm sue 2011 will too. Today I was hanging out with Cat. I'm extremely scared of escalators because I almost fell up one and down one when I was younger. It has to have been over five, maybe six years since I have ridden one. Today I did. I owe it all to Cat. She helped me over come that fear. Well sorta. I did have a mini panic attack going down. (Seriously, I was hyperventilating and grabbing on for dear life, but I made it down alive.) In the end, the best thing about moving from one tank to another is having a friend there to help you transitions. Yeah, my friends may not be in my side of the tank, but they are still in it. And the visits are always bound to be fun. Now, because I'm writing this at 1:03am on New Years Eve morning, Happy New Year Eve everybody. Hope you all have a good New Year's Day, and a great year after that.

       ~Libby

P.S. I'm tired of going by Libby, time to go by my real name. Hi, I'm Ariana. Sure you were expecting that to be my real name. It's not the most common, but it's nice if I say so myself.

    ~ Ariana

Follow The Yellow Brick Road…

Dear Bloggie,

   Yeah, I know, it’s been a while. Life has been “interesting”, as Cat calls it. I don’t see it that way, but I will NOT stop blogging, so I might as well update. Lets start with NaNoWriMo -- or the lack of it.  I know, I was so excited to start the project. I have a good idea how it’s going, I made an awesome cover, and I want to write it, but the first chapter isn’t going well. I’ve re-written the beginning of chapter one twice now (I only have 655 words by now, not including the prologue which is actually my a short story my 5th grade teacher had told me in, well, 5th grade; don’t worry, I make it clear that it’s not my story bit one that is a moral, be nice to others one that we all hear some sort of during our life) and can’t decided what to do. I want it to be perfect. My old English teacher, Mr. Marino, instilled this want to do well in me. I’m glad he did, but sometimes it gets annoying since I tend to over edit myself in my writing. I know writing needs a lot of editing, but when you’re writing your first draft you’re just supposed to just write. Like I do with my blog. But I can’t with my stories.

   On equally not-happy news, things between me and Zach will not work out any time soon. My closest friend at GHAA (we shall call her Annie-May on my blog, not her real name) really likes him. I never told him OR her of my feelings for Zach, so I don’t blame her, but of course I’m jealous and upset. Except I can’t tell her that because I’m scared how she will react. If I had told her before, she probably wouldn’t have minded, but I didn’t. She had asked if I liked anyone and i had told her know. I lied, and now I’m going to have to deal.

  Thankfully I do have other parts to my life. For example, on Monday we had our auditions. With all three rotations over (I can’t believe I’ve been in high school for ten and a half weeks now!) we chose our top two and auditioned for them. I was super nervous. I was sure I was going to fail my audition and be forced to take Visual Arts for the year. I could of course audition again in the spring for next school year, but by then I would be behind everyone. All I could imagine was failing and being so behind that no college would take me and I would end up living in the streets of New York, in the heart if Times Square, in a cardboard box begging for pennies and slowly dying from the toxic fumes of taxis/cars/buses and the sewer. I know, I’m over dramatic. But still, it seemed sorta rational at the time. Sorta.

  The point is that I sat near Zach in the beginning, but after the auditions, while people were finishing up and we were all just sitting around, Zach and Annie-May were talking and I didn’t really feel like joining the conversation. So instead I hung out with my dear friend Marty. He showed me some more of his animations and we talked about them and listened to this music until we were all told to go to out advisory groups. Marty is really good at animations. He was explaining some of it for me, and God, it’s a long and complicated process. You can see his work here. My favorites are the Dumpster Baby and the Playground one. Hope you check them out. They’re really funny. Or at least I think so.

Too bad he’s not only a visual artist, but also a half-day student so I won’t see him much anymore. We’re in two completely different buildings, even after the move in January (when our new school building will complete, making it possible for all morning students, grades 9-12, to be under one roof, and providing housing for the Creative Writing, Inter Arts, and Musical Theater departments). Still, at least I have Sierra. Remember how I mentioned her a while ago, on my lonely post? At the time she wanted to be a visual artist, but after doing a rotation through creative writing she decide she loved it and liked how she got the feeling of being a family in this department.

  As you can tell, I got into Creative Writing! I’m officially a creative writer! I still can’t believe it, but yeah, it’s true. I’m really excited. I’m trying to get into this Shakespeare class Sierra is taking. It requires a lot of reading and right now she’s the only freshman in it (i.e. it’s difficult), but it sounds interesting so I’m up for the challenge. as for now, It’s a minute to 1am and I have no school tomorrow because of veterans day. Until next time, keep following that yellow brick road and all your dreams will come true. 

~ XOXO,
       Libby

P.S. Yes, I know. I should become a greeting card writer for Hallmarks.

P.P.S. Actually, Hallmarks in one of my top five favorites stores (not sure which spot in my top five,  I just know that Borders, Torrid, and Temptations -- a hair accessory and jewelry store they have in the mall near my house -- beats it for sure) so I wouldn’t mind writing greeting cards for while. As long as that isn’t my only job in the writing world.

P.P.P.S I’m going to post the beginning of chapter one for your opinion. Am I on the right track or not? If you picked up a book in a store that began like this, would you read it? Criticism much needed, please don’t sugar coat please, that gets me nowhere. Thanks. :)

Chapter One

  “Adèle Baudelaire.” The woman behind the table smiled, searching for me on her list. She handed me a name tag, my name written in large but neat print with sharpie. A nine stood in its upper left corner.

    “The number is your group; they will be called together shortly. Find a seat and get comfortable for now. Welcome to the Academy!”

    “Thanks.” I smiled back. She seemed genuinely happy to see me. I turned away as another girl took my place. Her hair was three different shades at least, only one of them being a natural hair color. Addie, we’re definitely not in Catholic school anymore. 

    I searched the room of faces, looking for one person who wasn’t preoccupied in a conversation. It seemed that I was the only freshman at GHAA (what the school website used to refer to this school, George Harte Academy of the Arts; it was named after its first sponsor) who had come here alone, all their friends attending other schools. For the first time since I had received my acceptance letter, I was doubling thinking my choice.

    It’s too late now, I reminded myself. I turned down Northeast Catholic months ago and public school wasn’t an option. Sink or swim, I was here for the year. I just hoped it was the later.

    I found a seat towards the back out the auditorium. A girl a couple seats down let out a loud laugh. I cringed, wishing I had someone to laugh with. I don’t know how long I spaced out, but when I came back to attention a tall brunette was standing on the stage where I had just checked in. Like the other, she had a big smile on her face. Her hair was tied into two braids despite the fact that she appeared to be around my mother’s age. Still, her bright turquoise top and flower printed skirt made her seem younger.

    “Good morning! Can I have your attention, please?” The girls to my left continued laughing. It seemed that I was the only one paying attention.

    “OK everyone, I know you’re all excited, but can you please settle down so we may begin?” The talking continued.

    A woman in a tan dress ran on stage, kitten heels clicking. Unlike every other adult I had seen, she looked as if she meant business. She took the microphone out of the other woman’s hand and yelled, “SETTLE DOWN NOW! IF YOU’RE A FRESHMAN, THEN TURN YOUR ATTENTION HERE. IF YOU’RE NOT A FRESHMAN, THEN YOU DO NOT BELONG HERE!”

    The room went silent.

    “Thank you Jen.” Happy Woman took the microphone back. “Now, I’m Jillian Oliver but you can call me Jill. I’m the head of the musical theater department and as well as the coordinator for freshman arts classes. I would like to welcome you to the Academy. We are very happy to have you here. I know your all excited to begin so I’ll make this quick. Can the teachers--”

    “Freshman!” A male screamed from the door way. He had to be around sixteen at least. His light brown hair almost touched his shoulders in a hairstyle that could only be a cross between a skater and Justin Bieber. His clothes, like his hair, was a mash-up of two styles – wannabe white gangster and skater; typical teen male fashion. He just strolled in as if he owned the place, eyeing the crowed in search for his prize horse. When his gaze reached me end of the auditorium I saw it falter for a second.

"Hanging out, down the street The same old thing, we did last week Not a thing to do, but talk to you..."

Dear Bloggie,

   It has happened. I have nothing to blog about! ***Cue high pitched-horror-movie-scream***

   But in all seriousness, I have nothing to write about today. I'm only blogging because Cat asked me too.

   Wait, I thought of something. I might have made friends with this guy named Marty. I don't remember if I've mentioned him before, but he's this kid who was in my visual arts rotation, is now in my technical theatre rotation, and will also be in my creative writing rotation in three weeks. When I found out I was like "What the (word that starts with 'f 'and ends with 'k', and not fire-truck)!?" But this rotation I have more than one class with him (all freshman are together this rotation) so I've gotten to know him.

   Now, the thing about Marty is that he talks in monotone. Always. Which you would think would make him boring, but he isn't. He's actually funny, and because of his monotone voice, he comes off even funnier. He can say weird thing with a straight face that would put professional comedians to shame. You throw in that he looks like a younger version of Eric Forman from That 70's Show, an you have a funny guy who could make a good friend.

Marty looks just like this. Except younger. An his hair is darker. And he's paler. Like, ghost pale. 

   I'm totally serious. If I eventually find him on Facebook, I'll post a picture of him.

   Anyway, so overall he's nice and I'm glad I'm making a friend in this rotation. I made friends with Sierra last rotation and now Marty this one. Things are going a little better. Hopefully they'll last.

~XOXO,
         Libby


P.S. I made another Cat + Spencer picture. :)

I'm Lonely, Miss Lonely

Dear Bloggie,

    I've got a confession to make. There is a reason why I haven't talked about school that much. It's because it's not going as well as I thought. I was talking to somebody earlier tonight -- this person doesn't seem to understand how awesome they are and that people like them -- when talking with them made me realize that I've been in denial. I love my school so much. I love my teachers and my classes are awesome. If I left there, I would regret it. 

   But at the same time school isn't perfect. I sometimes find myself wishing I hadn't gone somewhere so different that where my friends went. I find myself thinking that maybe I should have gone to Northwest Catholic. Would I have loved it? No. Would I be as lonely? Probably not. I'm not super close to the people who go there, but at least I would be closer than I am now. 

   It's not like I'm a total social exile. I do sit with people at lunch. But I rarely talk to them. I sit there quietly and listen, reading or doing work that's due the next period or so. You know the movie Mean Girls? Remember Lindsay Lohan's first day, where she's all lonely and ends up eating lunch in the bathroom? Take away the bathroom part and add some small talk throughout the day, and that's my life at school. 

  My arts classes have been better, I made friends -- really, I consider her a friend -- with this girl named Sierra. Sadly, she wants to be an art major. And add in the fact that she's a half day student, well, you get the picture. I won't see her much now that this rotation is done. We'll be in total different areas. It really sucks. We still have Facebook and I'll still see her, but it won't be the same.

   The first day I was by myself when this lady who teachers Sunday school at my church (who will my teacher this year) and is a music teacher for the arts classes, had come up to me and had said hi. She had asked me if I knew anyone else there and I answered no. When she thought I was being rather brave, and that she didn't think she could have been able to have done the same thing, I was proud of myself. I thought "Ha, I am being brave!" 

   But now I think I was being stupid.

  

   Because loneliness really sucks. If you have never felt it, well, consider yourself the luckiest person on earth. If you have, then you totally understand what I mean. I hope this will change soon. Sadly, if my past is any example, I don't make friends easily. People don't tend to like the fat girl. 

~XOXO, 

       Libby

Movies & Other Distractions

Dear Bloggie,

    As someone has reminded me (*cough, cough* Cat *cough, cough*) I’ve been needing to update my blog. It’s not that I have nothing to say -- trust me, that will NEVER be an issue; I come up with random blog posts in my mind all the time -- it’s just that I’ve been too lazy to actually type it. But since I’m having a rather good day, I might as well.

   First off, as you may have noticed, I have redone this blog up. I preferred the only template, but it just wasn’t giving me the freedom I wanted. Now I have been able to add reactions and other pages -- two freedoms a premade template was not giving me. The tabs are simple and understandable. I have one tab for Home (where you are reading this), one tab for Current Projects (where you can find story ideas that I have put some or plan to put some work into; this tab is up, but not totally done. Still, there are projects posted there so check it out), Contact (where you can find information on how to contact me for whatever reason), and one labeled C.O.A.O.P (which will change as my most current projects change). Any story I am seriously working on will have it’s own tab.

   So now onto the real updated part. My life as a high school has been normal for the most part. Well, as normal as life at an art school can be. This guy I know named Hayden showed up in a dress today. The dress was borrowed from a senior who made it, and it was worn over his usual attire of skinny jeans a and a T-shirt, but the effect was still there. Specially when he went to the bathroom and stuffed the top. He tried to stuff it with paper, but it didn’t work. So instead he stuffed it with his socks which made it appear as if he just had one big breast instead of two separate ones.

   Now, onto the overly high school news. Jonah told this girl named Kayla who told my lunch table that he like this girl named Sarah (we call her Sarah Starfish). She’s the one with the ukulele. But according to Kayla, though Sarah Starfish considers him a dear friend and is even the one who has brought him out of his shell, she has no romantic feelings for him. Which, though it is mean, is good news to me. Sarah is pretty, nice, and fun/crazy. If she likes Jonah back, well I have no doubt that I will never have even the slightest chance with him.

   Today, as sometimes I do, I was able to watch a movie. I watched The Young Victoria, and am now watching 9, an animated movie about a rag doll that awakens in a post-apocalyptic future holds the key to humanity's salvation. I loved The Young Victoria. To begin with, I just love Emily Blunt and then there is just the fact that Queen Victoria is one of my favorite royals, second only to Queen Elizabeth the 1st.The movie was great and was filled with wonderful actors. I give it a ten stars out of ten. Between the acting, dialogue, settings and stage, and costumes, that movie was just plain brilliant.

  One thing that I love about Queen Victoria, is that unlike Queen Elizabeth, she was able to balance out her love life with being a great queen. Queen Elizabeth gave everything, and got almost nothing in return. I feel bad for her since she had been in love, it just was that she could not marry him because of his unpopularity. She chose her country over love. I will never have to make such a drastic decision, but I just hope that my life will be balanced like Queen Victoria’s, not like Queen Elizabeth’s.

   9 has been a little dull up to this point, but maybe that’s because I’m not really paying attention. Tomorrow is the last day of my visual arts rotation. Next Monday I start Technical Theater for three weeks. I’m really excited.

   Well, that’s about all the time we have for today boys and girls, but don’t worry, I’ll post again. I love blogging too much not to :)

 

~XOXO,

     Libby

 

P.S. Tonight begins the new season of Criminal Minds. I heard on a radio advertisement that Tim Curry will guest star on it. Ever since seeing him one The Rocky Horror Picture Show, I have totally loved him. In I think he’s a good and funny actor sort of way of course. Check out The Rocky Horror Picture Show if you haven't seen it, it’s awesome. :)

Want To Hear Something Weird..?

Dear Bloggie,

Want to hear something weird? OK, here it is: I actually have readers! I know, odd. But it's true! I was checking my blog status and found out how many views I have and from what parts of the world. It really surprised me. This has boasted my confidence -- and ego -- quite a bit.

So on to the subject you all really want to hear about: High School. I can truthfully, wholeheartedly, without fear of turning into Pinocchio say, I am loving it at GHAA (pronounced as Gaw -- and abbreviation for Greater Hartford Academy of the Arts; my mom thinks it's funny that I'm using the lingo). I have met some really nice people, most of whom I believe are on their way to becoming my friends.

I met these two boys who I really like. Not like-like, but in a only friends way. I met Nick when I went for my placement exams -- I had also met Nick's friend Emily, who I just so happen to have all my morning/routine classes with -- and had liked him right away. He's nice and a "little" out there. OK, really out there, but in a good way. He's the type of person who is always happy and nice to everyone. He never shies away from the spotlight or anything like that. I wish I had his confidence. You always need one of those type of friends in your life.

The other guy is named Noah. I've hung out with him most of the day. Actually, I found out that he used to attend SBS back in Kindergarten. I even checked out the video montage that we all got on class night, and there he is in the Kindergarten class photo. It's pretty funny.

He's friends with Nick, but that's not how I met him. I met him yesterday when we got put into the same group for icebreakers. I was alone for most of lunch, but as we were going inside he called me over and said for our group to stick together. And for the most part, the people I met in the icebreaker thing, is the people I socialize with now. Of course, Nick brought friends in and others met more people, so I ended up meeting a lot people. Our table was so super packed at lunch that we needed to pull up many chairs. I have one class with Noah (American Literature Honers) and one class with Nick (U.S. History Honers) so I'm happy enough.

Towards the end of the day I met this nice girl that I really liked. Sadly, I didn't catch her name because I wasn't really paying attention in the beginning of our conversation. For all I know maybe she is meant to be my new best friend and I will never know because I missed her name! I know, that thought is ridiculous, but still.

Tomorrow is thankfully my last day of orientation and Thursday I will finally get to start on my classes. Yay! Well, my art classes since I already started on my academic classes. (Only in meeting my teachers and getting to know peoples names, not actual work.)

When I got home today I friend requested everyone I met -- that I could remember their name or find them on someone else's page. I was thinking about friending this guy named Jonah Sparrow -- I think he's hot -- but I chickened out. :(

Now it's almost 11 and I watch to watch one of my favorite shows, Chelsea Lately. I just love Chelsea Handler. I mean, when she writes a book like this (look below) how can I not?

( I haven't read it, but I am dying to)

But before I do, I recommend you listen to the song "On the Brightside" by Never Shout Never. I especially recommend that you listen to it while eating bagels that your school had provided as a welcome breakfast, one of your maybe-friends playing it on her ukulele while singing it with the help of another maybe-friend. It's an awesome experience. Not that I would know of course... ;)

~Libby

Ramblings Of A Mad (As In Crazy) Teenage

Hi Bloggie,
So I'm basically blogging from camp today. Okay, there is no I basically. Right now I'm sitting in the computer lab, trying to make a post out of something so insignificant it doesn't even belong as a Facebook status update. Yeah, not something easy. Trust me. But since I'm beyond the valley of the bored and approaching the graveyard of the dulled to death - I have break from 12 on for the rest of the camp day every Friday (during which I normally swim), but seeing as I'm recovering from an ear infection (that's what that ear ache turned to be) I can't swim this week - I might as well ramble on my blog. That is what blogs are basically for. Rambling that is.

Only two people at most read this so it's not like I'm really wasting someone's time. Though I am sorry for those two people. But on the other hand, when have I ever had anything really interesting to say? Never. So you should be used to it.

You know what I'm going to save you the torture and stop rambling now. Maybe I'll read. Nah, the book I'm reading right now isn't catching my attention like others have this summer. I've read 15 books this summer. Two of those I was technically read while I was still in school, but in my mind graduation week doesn't count. All you do is talk, remember, try on clothes, try not to cry, and practice a skill you've had mastered (for the most part, unless you're like me and have no balance) for almost thirteen or fourteen years - walking.

Since graduation life has only shifted a bit. I'm still driven to write, but now I actually have the time to. That basically means that my time for excuses has ended. I'm going to a school where writing is going to be my major. With the exception of Cat, I was one of the top writers in my class. I even got voted so in the year book - though I think Cat should have won instead, seeing as she got the award in English or/and Literature from our English/Lit teacher, Mr. Marino, but whatever. I also got voted most talkative, but that is no surprise. I've had that in the bag since third, fourth, fifth grade. I'm sure the kids at camp would never believe that, I'm so quiet here it's sad. Now back to the point.

The point is that I was so proud of myself for being up there in writing. I want to be the top at it, reach goals my competition can never dream of reaching. Which is wrong, I know. but I want to be the best. I've never cared about being the best in anything, except for this. Writing.

I used to be good in Math, but ever since they added the alphabet it...yeah nothing good happened in Math after that. History and I are and will always be frienemies, while on the other hand Geography and I will fight until the end, only one of us coming out victories. Science isn't on any better terms with me than Geo, but astrology and phychology classes in the future will most likely make up for the harsh feelings we have for each other right now. And don't even get me started with Spanish...! The language itself isn't bad, but I've had three bad (two crazy and one so-so) Spanish teachers so I have been turned off the subject forever. I'm hoping that in high school I can convince the principal (his name is Eric Bernstein, strange that I remember that. Well I think it's Bernstein, but I don't know for sure. I'm sure about the Eric part.) to add French or Latin (maybe both) to the language choices.

For a post that I didn't even know what to write, I wrote and awful lot. Sometimes I surprise myself. It's like a quote I like:

"I am so clever sometimes I don't even understand a single word of what I'm saying."
-Oscar Wilde

~Libby :)

Clothes

Dear Bloggie,
I was on Urban Dictionary one day when they had an advertisement for a clothes site called Snorg Tees. The site has really funny shirts so I’m begging my mom to get me some for high school. I can't get all the ones I like though, they coast about 20 each, but by now these are my favorites (I just saved the middle part of the shirt, so image a shirt with the image/words on it).

(This shirt also comes on the color cranberry – the shade I would get it)

Vacation, Bounty Hunters, and Vampires! Oh, My!

Dear Bloggie,
This will be a very, very, very, very quick post. Today was my first day of summer vacation and it really sucked ass. All I did was: wake up, eat breakfast, read half a book (One for the Money, the first novel in the Stephenie Plum series by Janet Evanovich. The main character, Stephanie Plum, is a kick-ass bounty hunter! It’s an adult book series but whatever. No one has had sex in it…yet…), had lunch, and watched an episode of True Blood.

I have to watch the show when my mom isn’t home because my aunt told my mom it was too adult for me. I mean, I haven’t really watched the past two seasons (I’ve caught pieces here and there, but I’ve only seen like three full episodes), but after the episode I watched today I understand what my aunt means. I ended up fast-forwarding through those “parts” (emphasis on the word parts) anyway. Let me put it his way; if I wanted to watch porn, I wouldn’t watch something with vampires doing it. It was weird. But I liked the rest of the show so I’ll keep watching it. Thank God for fast-forward buttons. Amen!

Besides that nothing much happened. I’m going back to school tomorrow. It’s kinda tradition for the students who graduated to come back the following week to visit. I know, I just left school and already I’m trying to go back. To be utterly truthful, I wish next Monday was like September or something. I’m starting to get a little nervous about high school and really want to just get the first week over. Then I can go back in time and live through my summer, this time reassured or knowing what I will need to change.

Ok, this post is getting way too long. I’ll update on Wednesday on hoe tomorrow went.
~XOXO,
Carrie

P.S. It speaks a lot for a show when you look up pictures for your blog having to do with “True Blood” and a majority of them are the characters making out.

Because I Knew You…

Dear Bloggie,
Sorry I didn’t post on Friday, but by the time got home from graduation I was tired. I wasn’t going to post today, but them I remember something from graduation. My teacher had given a speech and in it she quoted a line from the Broadway play Wicked. I had really liked the line so I decided to look it up today. I knew it was about the people we know and have known, so I looked up the song list and went from there.

For some reason I was almost instantly drawn to a song called “For Good”, which after evaluation of the lyrics, I’m about 99% sure this song is the one she quoted. It’s been two days since graduation and I have yet to cry, but after listening to the song – having gone straight to iTunes and buying it after I was sure it was the song with the quoted lyrics – I could feel those emotions rising. Still no tears, but I feel like I am going to cry. You know that feeling you get inside when you sad or something and it feels like your about to cry but your eyes refuse to listen so they stay relatively dry, all the while that horrible, sad feeling rages in your chest making you want to really cry – not little sobs but loud, body trembling, almost yelling ones? Well that’s how I feel right now. I can feel that scream/sob in my throat my I can’t make it come out.

I will miss all my classmates. I’ve had mixed relationships with all of them, but at the end of the day I hate the fact that I won’t see them all again. Serena was sitting next to me at graduation and started crying. I was surprised; she and Neena kept saying they couldn’t wait to leave.

I had expected this from Neena since I have a sneaking suspicion she hates the majority of the class. She never felt like she was part of us since she was only here a year. I would never say this to her, but she’s the one who didn’t try to get to know people that well. We accepted her, she’s the one who acted like she didn’t want to be accepted and that everyone hated her from day one. I remember her talking to me on Facebook back around October, November, or December on how she thought people didn’t like her. I knew it wasn’t true, I even said so, but she wouldn’t listen.

But Serena, I had been surprised. She had been attending Saint Brigid School since Kindergarten or First Grade! Well, when she started crying I got to see the truth, she didn’t really want to leave. In that moment of my friends crying around me as our teacher, Ms. Bernaiche, gave her speech I realized something, SBS (Saint Brigid School) is home. We all hated having to get up and go learn every morning, but at least we could count on how our day would go. It was familiar. It is familiar. That’s when I came up with this simple ideal:

Home is a place you want to leave until you have to.

We all wanted to be anywhere else until it came down to the time we really did have to leave our beloved home/school. Now we are all going in different directions, even the ones who are going to the same high school. Life is a road. We should all be thankful for the people who join us on that road, even if it is only for a short time.
~ XOXO,
Carrie

P.S The graduation photo is really my class. I'm in the back behind Cat and my friend Angela (she's sorta my inspiration for Angela Pearson, now named Angela Ellis after I decided I didn't like the last name Pearson enough for my character), you can't really see my face, but you can see my arm. Serena is next to me and Neena is next to her. I was thinking about telling you their real names, but I've decided not to. :)

P.P.S Cat moved her blog to Tumbler. I thought about doing the same, but I like it better here on blog spot. :)

P.P.P.S I now have two followers (one is actually clicked to follow, the other is Cat who just reads it) so I'm sorta happy. I had clicked to see who the person who follows me is and I saw she follow some of the same people I do, leading me to believe she found my blog on Inkpop. Well I checked out the blogs she follows and I don't, and found this cool blog. Well not so cool, as interesting. It's a bit depressing, but I like reading it. Anyone who reads my blog should check it out. The girl seems nice but she's really deep down in it and seems to have alot of problems with her mom. Either way you should check it out.

P.P.P.P.S Here is the quote from the song that my teacher quoted.

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing
something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I
believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Carrie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Hi,
So this is only going to be a quick post since I should be doing both my home work and working on my book Incandescent (Ever's story), but I just needed to say a couple of things. First and foremost... Serena and I are friends again. Yeah after a month er finally made up. What happened was that her brother is sick in the hospital so her mother asked my mom to bring her to the dance. As we are getting into the car she taps me on the shoulder and asks if I'm still angry. Well I said no and that led us to talking out what happened. Let's just say by the time we walked into the dance we were laughing.

The second thing I wanted to say is that I am having the worst day ever! I keep falling all over the place. Like earlier I kept bumping into people and tripping, but it wasn't until I was leaving school and fell and scraped my knee that it was really bad. So right now my knee really hurts! Ooch, Ouch! Well, have to get back to homework and writing so ta-ta for now.

~XOXO,
Carrie

P.S. I had my placement exams on Saturday, and though I did horribly in math, I met some kids and talked. They seemed nice and a lot like the people I know right now so I'm not worried so much for September anymore!

Pandora's Box

So I never told you but Serena and I made up on March 8th. My friend Stephanie had her birthday party on the 6th and all of our friends made us talk. We talked out a lot of problems and in the end our main problem was that we had both so drastically changed that we weren't the same people who first became friends. She said what upset her the most was that she felt I was always trying to get attention and talking about my books, ect. I said what upset me the most was that she always told my secrets, like who I liked ect. So come Monday our friends made us sit together for lunch (only us) and we talked and laughed and things seemed good and back to normal. That didn't last long.

As the weeks went on I felt things were getting sorta weird again, but nothing major. Then on Tuesday my friend Corey told me that Serena had told him that I liked Luke. I got upset, but nothing much. All I wanted was an apology. That was Tuesday afternoon, last period of the school day. Today is Saturday, and still nothing. So I guess you can say we are on our third fight in four and a half months.

I have known her since third grade, but we weren't friends until the end of the year so, I'll count it as five and a half years of friendship. Four and half of those years we only got into two arguments. One was so small that all it involved was an apology to Corey and me after she kept saying we liked each other when we didn't in 6th grade. The second was because I was being controlling on a health project, and after when I saw she was really upset I apologized and promised not to be so controlling. That was lat year. Besides those fight we never really argued. This year it has been three big fights within a matter of months. The first lasted a week, the second two weeks, and this one has lasted four and a half days so far.

But you know what really bothers me? Not the fights but what happened yesterday. Yesterday Serena was writing a comic strip about this guy in our class named Regis. Well we always tease him about his dad being a creepy pedophile because he watches us at dances. He also likes one of my friends Angela. Well Serena put both in to her comic strip, and though I don't know what it said, I know it was perverted and upset Angela who read it. Well Serena got upset after Regis, Angela, and some of Angela's friends started to yell at her (in a normal voice but with pissed ofness in it) so she ran into the bathroom. Neena ran in after her to comfort her.

That was my job! I have been the one to talk to her when she cried, not Neena! That's the moment when I realized the total truth; we're not ever going to be best friends. I mean, if we make up we will be friends again, but we will never ever be best friends again. The second Serena said those things on Facebook, she opened a Pandora's box. There is no return. Things will never be the same no matter how much I want it to be.

That's what really hurts. Not our fights, but that our fights will never truely be resolved. When 8th grade ends we may talk on Facebook for a while, but by September things will be completely over. We will be one of those old friends who see each others' statuses on Facebook but don't comment because we aren't that close. We will be each other's "middle school friend" instead of life friends. I hate that this happened, but it did and there is nothing that can be done now.

Life was changed and now were both walking in different directions. Imagine if you want both of us standing in a room with two doors exactly across from each other. At first neither one of us did anything, we just stood there talking and laughing, but in 6th grade we finally noticed there were doors in the room. I walked to one door and Serena chose the other. We were right near each other in the beginning so we didn't notice the gap at first. Sometimes we caught a glimpse of it, but we never said anything until people started to fill in the gap. Then we were starting to get closer to other people. Finally I got upset about the gap so I took it out on a trivial problem, which in turn caused Serena to speak up about the gap, the facade that had been created tearing apart.

We tried to fix the gap, to go back, but like those escalators floor things, we were just running in place. When we graduate we will reach our doors, and by September we will have no choice but to open it and walk through.

~XOXO,

Carrie

Poser

Hola peeps,
Yeah “hola” basically covers all my knowledge of Spanish even though I’ve been taking it for three years. Sad. So my last post was kinda depressing about my non-relationship with my father, so I decided to blog about something good…
I got into The Greater Hartford Academy for the Arts! Yay me! I’m still sooo excited! It has an awesome writing program which is bound to help my future, now I just have to pass 8th grade….
So I was talking to Yoda today and I finally got to check out her blog. Her real name is Cat (yeah whatever, she won’t mind if I write her name) but I will probably still refer to her as Yoda since she is so wise. Whenever I have a problem I go to her for advice. She’s just that type of person. I wish she was going to the Art Academy with me; she would so be perfect there. I feel like such a poser. I’m trying to become friends with the artsy kids, but I’ve never classified myself as “artsy” in my whole life.

I mean I’m not super smart (i.e. I’m failing math, science, if not I’m at least on the verge of failing Spanish) , I’ve never been the popular girl, or the rich girl, or the pretty girl, or even the preppy girl (though I kinda want to be). I love rock but I can’t sing or play an instrument (I tried playing the flute but utterly failed even though I took four years of it, but more for my grandfathers sake than mine…anyway the flute isn’t a rocker instrument) so I’m not the rocker.

Now I’m chasing a dream of being the artsy girl. Hanging out at coffee shops and discussing literature while snapping my fingers to poem as I call people “cool cats” isn’t what I had in mind, but more along the lines that I would go to my friends dance recitals, plays, and concerts, and then they would come see me recite poetry or read my latest novel. I want to date a guy who will write a song about me and paint a portrait of me that looks ten times better than I do because that’s the way he sees me.

Yoda is the artsy type. She can play the guitar and want to start a band; she is a great artist, and her writing skills crush mine to smithereens. She’s something between rocker/punk/artsy/and smart. She should be going to an art school instead of some preppy one-step-away-from-boarding school. I feel like a poser. I don’t really fit in anywhere. I like being unique, but what are you when you’re the unique from the unique? When you don’t have a place?
~ Ciao,
Carrie