Weekend Update With Me

Dear Bloggie,


    So my diet is going pretty well. I mean, except for this weekend. What happened was I had my junior leader meeting on Saturday. We had a photography class at U of H (University of Hartford) from 9am to about 1pm, then we all went to Six Flags for Fright Feast. One, Fright Feast was a BIG let-down (plus people were acting like idiots and I somehow managed to trip over a tiny rock and hurt my ankle -- I've been limping since Saturday night now-- which just made things crappier), and two, there is, like, no healthy food at Six Flags. The healthiest thing is a salad, which given that their only dressing choice that I would like with it is ranch, makes it not so healthy. I've been replacing ranch with French dressing, which is a lot less calories.


   In the end I ate a grilled chicken wrap -- it's lettuce with two strips of grilled chicken on top, ranch dressing for taste, though I guess I shouldn't have added the ranch. I already had a bagel with cream cheese and a bottle of Coke earlier. Basically, Saturday was a no diet day. Sunday wasn't much better because my mom surprised me by making buttermilk pancakes since I had mentioned a couple days before how I haven't had them in a long time. My initial reaction was to turn them down -- I'm quite proud of myself for that -- but I couldn't because she made them specially for me. Thankfully, I walked around A LOT at Six Flags, so I only feel half guilty.


   There is one things I want to add before I go. I was eating lunch with my group, when I looked over and saw this sad, lonely, old man. He was sitting there by himself, food resting in front of him as he peered off into the distance with a cheerless look on his face. It appeared as if he was waiting for someone. Wife, kids, grandkids? Who knows. We were in the eating area for over thirty minutes at least, and no one showed.


   I pointed this out to the girl I was sitting with, Annalise, and she, like me, got all sad. He just looked so freaking lonely. We wished we could just go over and talk to him. Of course we couldn't; for all we knew he could have been a perverted, pedophilic, rapist. We have no way of knowing.


  Still, I wish the world was just a good place filled with people who are just straight forward with their intentions, all of them being good intentions. In that world, Annalise and I could have gone over to him and talked, either keeping him company until his family/people he was waiting for showed up, or at least talking to him and finding out why he was by himself. Poor old man. This is a good reminder on why you should treat your grandparents nicely. Remember that.


~XOXO,
       Libby

I'm Lonely, Miss Lonely

Dear Bloggie,

    I've got a confession to make. There is a reason why I haven't talked about school that much. It's because it's not going as well as I thought. I was talking to somebody earlier tonight -- this person doesn't seem to understand how awesome they are and that people like them -- when talking with them made me realize that I've been in denial. I love my school so much. I love my teachers and my classes are awesome. If I left there, I would regret it. 

   But at the same time school isn't perfect. I sometimes find myself wishing I hadn't gone somewhere so different that where my friends went. I find myself thinking that maybe I should have gone to Northwest Catholic. Would I have loved it? No. Would I be as lonely? Probably not. I'm not super close to the people who go there, but at least I would be closer than I am now. 

   It's not like I'm a total social exile. I do sit with people at lunch. But I rarely talk to them. I sit there quietly and listen, reading or doing work that's due the next period or so. You know the movie Mean Girls? Remember Lindsay Lohan's first day, where she's all lonely and ends up eating lunch in the bathroom? Take away the bathroom part and add some small talk throughout the day, and that's my life at school. 

  My arts classes have been better, I made friends -- really, I consider her a friend -- with this girl named Sierra. Sadly, she wants to be an art major. And add in the fact that she's a half day student, well, you get the picture. I won't see her much now that this rotation is done. We'll be in total different areas. It really sucks. We still have Facebook and I'll still see her, but it won't be the same.

   The first day I was by myself when this lady who teachers Sunday school at my church (who will my teacher this year) and is a music teacher for the arts classes, had come up to me and had said hi. She had asked me if I knew anyone else there and I answered no. When she thought I was being rather brave, and that she didn't think she could have been able to have done the same thing, I was proud of myself. I thought "Ha, I am being brave!" 

   But now I think I was being stupid.

  

   Because loneliness really sucks. If you have never felt it, well, consider yourself the luckiest person on earth. If you have, then you totally understand what I mean. I hope this will change soon. Sadly, if my past is any example, I don't make friends easily. People don't tend to like the fat girl. 

~XOXO, 

       Libby