So I never told you but Serena and I made up on March 8th. My friend Stephanie had her birthday party on the 6th and all of our friends made us talk. We talked out a lot of problems and in the end our main problem was that we had both so drastically changed that we weren't the same people who first became friends. She said what upset her the most was that she felt I was always trying to get attention and talking about my books, ect. I said what upset me the most was that she always told my secrets, like who I liked ect. So come Monday our friends made us sit together for lunch (only us) and we talked and laughed and things seemed good and back to normal. That didn't last long.
As the weeks went on I felt things were getting sorta weird again, but nothing major. Then on Tuesday my friend Corey told me that Serena had told him that I liked Luke. I got upset, but nothing much. All I wanted was an apology. That was Tuesday afternoon, last period of the school day. Today is Saturday, and still nothing. So I guess you can say we are on our third fight in four and a half months.
I have known her since third grade, but we weren't friends until the end of the year so, I'll count it as five and a half years of friendship. Four and half of those years we only got into two arguments. One was so small that all it involved was an apology to Corey and me after she kept saying we liked each other when we didn't in 6th grade. The second was because I was being controlling on a health project, and after when I saw she was really upset I apologized and promised not to be so controlling. That was lat year. Besides those fight we never really argued. This year it has been three big fights within a matter of months. The first lasted a week, the second two weeks, and this one has lasted four and a half days so far.
But you know what really bothers me? Not the fights but what happened yesterday. Yesterday Serena was writing a comic strip about this guy in our class named Regis. Well we always tease him about his dad being a creepy pedophile because he watches us at dances. He also likes one of my friends Angela. Well Serena put both in to her comic strip, and though I don't know what it said, I know it was perverted and upset Angela who read it. Well Serena got upset after Regis, Angela, and some of Angela's friends started to yell at her (in a normal voice but with pissed ofness in it) so she ran into the bathroom. Neena ran in after her to comfort her.
That was my job! I have been the one to talk to her when she cried, not Neena! That's the moment when I realized the total truth; we're not ever going to be best friends. I mean, if we make up we will be friends again, but we will never ever be best friends again. The second Serena said those things on Facebook, she opened a Pandora's box. There is no return. Things will never be the same no matter how much I want it to be.
That's what really hurts. Not our fights, but that our fights will never truely be resolved. When 8th grade ends we may talk on Facebook for a while, but by September things will be completely over. We will be one of those old friends who see each others' statuses on Facebook but don't comment because we aren't that close. We will be each other's "middle school friend" instead of life friends. I hate that this happened, but it did and there is nothing that can be done now.
Life was changed and now were both walking in different directions. Imagine if you want both of us standing in a room with two doors exactly across from each other. At first neither one of us did anything, we just stood there talking and laughing, but in 6th grade we finally noticed there were doors in the room. I walked to one door and Serena chose the other. We were right near each other in the beginning so we didn't notice the gap at first. Sometimes we caught a glimpse of it, but we never said anything until people started to fill in the gap. Then we were starting to get closer to other people. Finally I got upset about the gap so I took it out on a trivial problem, which in turn caused Serena to speak up about the gap, the facade that had been created tearing apart.
We tried to fix the gap, to go back, but like those escalators floor things, we were just running in place. When we graduate we will reach our doors, and by September we will have no choice but to open it and walk through.
~XOXO,
